I'm sitting at the gate of my flight from Atlanta to Little Rock. I just wrapped up the best beach week with Chelsea, Granna, the twins, Charlie and Shawna. I'm headed home for match day. As I wait to hear WHERE I'm going for residency, I want to reflect on how grateful I am for the journey that got me here.
It all started one day on the way home from school. Dad told me, "don't be a teacher Mary, be a doctor." The rest is history. I started college in the fall of 2011 with my eyes focused on medical school and nothing else. The Lord was so gracious during those four years. I volunteered with youth ministry, at the children's hospital, shadowed some doctors and went to Trinidad and Tobago and Honduras on mission trips. I knew that I wanted to eventually do overseas mission trips and practice medicine. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a big scaredy cat and hate being away from my family. But those trips solidified the desires God had placed in my heart. I felt not fear or ounce of homesickness. It was something I never expected and it reaffirmed my decision.
The trip to Honduras was in the middle of my MCAT studying. I had never had to study like that before and felt so defeated after the exam. I kept making up back up plans for the what ifs of if I didn't score high enough. Before I got my scores back, I told myself I'd push through and apply if it was a 26 or higher. 24 or high, I'd study and retake it. I made a 26. My GPA wasn't perfect but I went through with the application process. I remember my interview day and then the anxiety of waiting on the acceptance letters. I was just certain I wasn't going to get in. The day before I received my UAMS letter, I got accepted into ACOM. So for approx 24 hours, I was ready to pack up and move away to Dothan, AL (LOL). On mom's birthday, the big ole UAMS envelope arrived and I started laughing and crying as I knew that UAMS was the place for me.
The summer before medical school, I decided to not go back to Honduras, but to work at Camp Sologohachia. The Lord did a big work in my heart as I was surrounded by people focused on eternity and worshipping God throughout the day. It was that summer that would hold me through to the end of medical school. Through disappointments and failed tests, long hours studying and all of the unknowns of med school, my Light grew dimmer and dimmer. God was fiercely pursuing me, but I was running as fast as I could away from him.
I went through times of apathy. And you might could say I adopted the "fake it til you make it" attitude after first year. First year was a sweet time of D group and morning prayer with my closest girl friends in medical school. But towards the end of the year things shifted and I became bitter with God. Even through trips to Honduras and Guatemala, my heart wasn't in it. Something felt off and I didn't know how to fix it.
After second year, we took Step 1. THE hardest test I've ever taken. I didn't pass any practice tests, but the burnout was real and I decided to just go for it and see what happened. I passed by 1 point. ONE POINT. But for psychiatry residency, the kept saying I just needed to pass and pass I did. And since I'm on this side of interview season and know that I have matched somewhere, I they were right.
After 3rd year, I went back to Honduras. I found joy in my heart and clarity for where God wanted me for that year. My dating life was awful, with people who just didn't believe the same as me. But in the fall, I started to pull myself together and started meeting with the best lil bible study group around. They have loved and prayed for me through all of 4th year. During interview season, I had the sweetest boyfriend and family by my side. And even though that relationship didn't work out in the end, I'm thankful for the companionship he brought me among the chaos of interviews.
And now, wrapping all of this up, I am thankful for a job on July 1. I'm thankful for my family who put up with ALL OF THE ABOVE AND SO MUCH MORE. And I am thankful for Jesus, who loved me at my worst and was my constant even on the most difficult of days.
